We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
