My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
