I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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