He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
