I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
