i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
