dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
