I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
