I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
