The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
