checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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