WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
