I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
