Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
