And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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