I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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