someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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