I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
