I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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