Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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