Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
