my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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