I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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