Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
