I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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