There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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