my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
