these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
