She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
