A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
