someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want her autograph on my taint
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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