Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my liver is dry heaving
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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