I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
