If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
