great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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