Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
