she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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