I wish my penis had an off switch
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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