Sry I called you an 8
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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