You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize