the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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