Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
