My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
