she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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