There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
