I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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