you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
