explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
