worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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