my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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