Already got asked if we're dating
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
