i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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