i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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