tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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