Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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