i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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