Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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