He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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