you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
