Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
