i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
